Christmas calling....

     "Hello, this is Superstore how can I help you?"
.....
     "Return department? I can help you with that. What do you need to know?"
.....
     "You want to return the frankincense and myrrh, but keep the gold? Do you have your purchase receipt?"
.....
     "Oh, they were gifts... You also want to return love and mercy, but keep the forgiveness..."
.....
     "I see. I am sorry ma'am if it was purchased from here it has a 'no return policy' and was literally bought with everything He has."
.....
     "I am sorry you have no use for them, but I pray you find one for the Giver's sake."




      People want the gold and forgiveness from God, but don't know how to do with everything else...

My Greatest Blessing!

This was my absolute favorite picture of my son until last night!

     From the moment I had my son I knew I had something special. The first time my Pastor held him she said that he was anointed. I will admit to praying for a little girl during my pregnancy. (The relationship I have with my father is one that I wanted for my husband so badly. I thought it would help heal his heart.) With every little thing though God once again proved that he knew better. The mother-son relationship has saved me more than I can count, and he's only four! My son was a straight miracle delivered into my hands by God, and I will never forget that!

 

 

     Following my call into ministry my husband was afraid that our son would have "religion" forced upon him growing up. That has never happened. My son loves God and church so much that it makes me feel inadequate sometimes. God uses my son in so many ways. During my pregnancy with Connor I was the healthiest I had ever been since being diagnosed as a Type 1 Diabetic. That should have been my first sign of the blessing I was about to receive. When I have had a bad day Connor will out of the blue start singing some of our favorite Christian songs! Below is his favorite song "My Savior My God," by Aaron Shust.

"My Savior loves, My Savior lives
My Savior's always there for me
My God: He was, my God; He is
My God is always gonna be"

 

 

     Connor's favorite place to be is in church. He loves Sunday mornings, and we actually pass our church on the way to work/daycare everyday so he is always asking to stop there on the way home just to visit it.

     Thanksgiving made two years for us in our home. I know a handful of people in our small town from when I was little and my school friends lived here. I have another handful that I have made in our two years here from being a "regular" and church attendee. Two weeks ago on our way home Connor was ooh'ing and ahh'ing over the Christmas lights that people in town had up. After the third night he said that he wanted to take his dinosaur cards and give them to everybody who put up lights. I loved the idea and that he is always thinking of appreciating others. So this momma, as of yesterday, has written 32 Christmas/thank you cards, and we have made four trips through town to pass out cards to every house with Christmas decorations! I could not be a prouder mom! Last night on our last trip I got this amazing photo of him and it has become my new absolute favorite!

 

 

I just can't thank God enough for the joy and blessings he brings into my life!

Mary, did you know?

 

      The angel went to her and said, "Greetings, you who are highly favored! The Lord is with you."

      Mary was greatly troubled at his words and wondered what kind of greeting this might be. But the angel said to her, "Do not be afraid, Mary; you have found favor with god. You will conceive and give birth to a son, and you are to call him Jesus. He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of his father David, and he will reign over Jacob's descendants forever; his kingdom will never end."

      "How will this be, " Mary asked the angel, "since I am a virgin?"

      The angel answered, "The Holy Spirit will come on you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you. So the holy one to be born will be called the Son of God. Even Elizabeth your relative is going to have a child in her old age, and she who was said to be unable to conceive is in her sixth month. For no word from God will ever fail."

      "I am the Lord's servant," Mary answered. "May your word to me be fulfilled." Then the angel left her.

Luke 1:26-38

 

 

One of my favorite Christmas songs is "Mary, did you know?", and

my favorite version is by Pentatonix.

 



 

 Maybe it touches me differently now because I am a mother...

Either way, every time I listen to the lyrics I cannot help but wonder "Mary, did you know?"

 

 

Mary, did you know that "when you kiss your little Baby you kissed the face of God?"

That every mother holds their newborn and can only imagine how they will change the world.

 "The sleeping Child you're holding is the Great, I Am." 

 

 

"This Child that you delivered will soon deliver you."

"Did you know that your Baby Boy is heaven's perfect Lamb?"

Did she know that she would have to watch her son die?

 

Think on the verses from Luke that the angel said to Mary. 

"Son of the Most High," "God will give him the throne," and

"his kingdom will never end."

She knew.

 The pain, and in the end the absolute Glory of her child... she knew.

 

 

Mary, did you know that your child's birth would become about getting the best deals?

Listen to this miraculous song and start thinking about how we treat the Advent season...

 

These three photos say more about Christmas than anything else today.

Christmas is... celebrating the birth of our Savior and the sacrifice of the perfect Lamb!

 

    My sad moment happened when we came home from Ohio. While there with my husband's family I bought my son a Fisher Price Little People Nativity and when we got home I gave it to him to set up and play with. He didn't know what it was! Talk about fail-mom moment, but I got to turn it into a learning experience for the both of us!

 

Just never forget... Mary did know!

 

 



Thanksgiving

 'Tis the Season!

 

      I have never traveled for the holidays. My family is centrally located, so to say. My husband is originally from Ohio, and that is where all of his family is; except his parents. I got to do the best thing this year and planned Thanksgiving in Ohio. We took an off year from basically my family and we stayed the weekend with his Aunt, Uncle, cousins, so many second cousins, lol.
     Anyway, last weekend in Ohio reminded me what it is like to have all the family together for a giant dinner, and the hours of catching up. I missed it. I didn't realize this was something I needed as well. I loved the idea of packing up and visiting the family. I missed watching the Macy's Day Parade while fixing dinner, the family falling asleep on the couch after all the eating and talking, and taking Friday to go do something together to ring in Christmas!

   

     The thing I wasn't planning on was that it would mean so much to me. That almost sounds bad, but it's not. My parents divorced right before Thanksgiving five years ago. The holidays have been hard ever since. I was just married and we were trying to figure out how to balance both of our families for the holidays, and then my side just doubled. I was raised very close to my family and multiple holidays for everybody's side because they can't act like adults is very hard. Let alone my family outweighs my husbands, and now we have a feeling of somebody's is more important than the others.

If you are ever in Akron, Ohio you need to go see Stan Hywet Hall!!!

 

     After dinner Thursday my husbands' cousin, Angie, asked what we wanted to do. I am a pinterest-er and said that I found there was a castle around here and would love to go see it.  Angie said I have the perfect place and they should be decorated for Christmas.

     As you can see below they go all out for Christmas time! The place was beautiful and we had so much walking around looking at the lights and house. The house was built by F.A. Seiberling, the creator of Goodyear Tire & Rubber! There was a slow drizzle all night, but it didn't stop the fun of all the kids; even us big ones. Angie and I were like kids in a candy store. I truly had an amazing time with my family.

 

 

Wrapping Up Blue Month

The last day of World Diabetes Awareness month!
 

There is a great article I want to share. Just click the link below:

http://iamatype1diabetic.com/2015/11/21/dresses-insulin-pumps/

 

Here's a preview of the blog...

 

 

 

Being a female with diabetes is difficult;

not just the hormone, stress, and emotion things, but clothes!

When I was diagnosed I thought I would have to stop wearing dresses all together.

My grandma made me a garter and that's how I got around with

my insulin pump; a bit old school, but totally timeless!

 

*Never forget to support the T1D in your life!

 

 

~ World Diabetes Day ~

NOVEMBER 14th

 Don't forget to wear blue today!

Or write 'Hope' or draw a blue circle on your hand!

Together we can raise awareness and find a cure!

Here's a song to get you in the mood!

Here are some memes to add some funny to your day!

 

 

 

 

T1D Resources?

 

Why yes we have resources!

     When I was diagnosed at the age of 16 it was incredibly hard for me. I was considered past the age to have Type 1 because it is known as Juvenile Diabetes for a reason. Finding a support group, T1 camp, or educational classes not designed for nine year olds and under was non-existent in my area. Not even the hospital and doctors could help me much education wise. I learned it on my own mainly. It wasn't until two years ago that I started really searching for some support groups.
     Mom, wife, full-time employee....I always put myself last and being a diabetic I cannot do that! I found on facebook a Women's T1 Support group. It is amazing! It feels good to have a place with women and feel at home to talk about the struggles. I also follow two blogs. Below I will post some blogs for anyone to check out!

Please support and encourage the T1 in your life- we didn't ask for this!

Texting My Pancreas:
     http://www.textingmypancreas.com/

Type Casted Diabetes:
     https://typecasteddiabetes.wordpress.com/

Ninjabetic:
     http://www.ninjabetic.com/

Diabetes Sisters:
     https://diabetessisters.org/blogs/type-1-diabetes

The Princess and The Pump:
     http://www.theprincessandthepump.com/

I am a Type 1 Diabetic:
     http://iamatype1diabetic.com/

#T1D

Go to: www.jdrf.org/t1dlookslikeme 

 

 

There are a handful of things that are incredibly important to me:

God

my son & husband

Archery

Type 1 Diabetes Awareness- specifically promoting the month of November

     Like all things in our lives we live in shame and hiding of our weaknesses. Until God shows us that no matter what our weaknesses are He loves us and He will use that weakness to reach others!
I am proud to be a diabetic because you know what? It is HARD! Like those who have/had cancer this is a hard disease to live with every minute of every day for the rest of my life. To date there is no cure for T1. The shame I felt when I was diagnosed with this disease and not sharing with people was because people don't understand.
     How can I expect them to understand though? Until I was diagnosed and went through the classes I didn't know what it truly was about. November is diabetes awareness month, not to purposely put us on a pedestal, but because people are not informed! It's just like our faith- people are not informed! Sometimes we expect them to understand Christ and walk into faith with open arms, but how can they when they don't know about it!
     Just imagine if we had a Christ Awareness Week? How many lives would be transformed? Like D.A.R.E. week at our elementary schools we spend all five days teaching them about drugs and alcohol so they are informed to make the right decision... Are we informing the world about how to make the right decision?
     No one knows whom or how anybody gets T1. Could be genetic- not proven. I am the only person in my family out of five generations to get T1, and because I have it I watch my son everyday to see if one day he will have it.
   
     This month I am going Blue for T1! I will be posting in my blog this month other posts from bloggers who are T1 or are supporting Type 1 Awareness.

Check yourself

     The past two weeks I have been going through my facebook and pinterest pages. I am growing in my relationship with God, and things I used to do or say don't reflect me accurately today. Some days my language still catches me off guard. I do work at a company of truck drivers and we are human.
     The message Sunday got me thinking. I have recently been called out as living a lie because I don't share or like things on facebook that I would have before "becoming a church person." Becoming a Christian is not about "loosing yourself" or "becoming something you're not." I feel like that I am more "me" now than I ever have been in my life. I don't live with fear of the world disapproving of me. I have been accused of the cliché that I have changed since becoming a Christian....truth. You cannot become a follower of Christ without changing=impossible! The cliché is that these people think I have totally changed from me...
     I know myself better, I trust my "gut"/Holy Spirit, my faith is stronger, and I have let go of hurt and anger. Does that really make me a horrible person now? Just because I am not posting/liking/pinning vulgar/sexual things does not mean I am not me. If I had a daughter I would not  want her to post such things so why should I?
    I encourage you to go through the pages you've like on facebook and the things you've pinned on pinterest... Is that what you want to represent of yourself? I can be a Christian and cosplay- I did not take my cosplay board down.
  
     I am not forcing my way of life on anyone. I just want respected. I am not adding on things to follow Christ. I am peeling away the layers of the world that I had to add over time to exist here. That is not who I want to be.

Life Changing Prayer!

As my last post mentioned I gave my first sermon to a congregation a little over a week ago (11th). I am still reeling from it, lol. People assume that when pastors give sermons that they already have it all figured out. When I started sitting down and working on my sermons I started to realize those messages were about changing my heart just as much as they were meant to change the heart of the recipients. I knew and was educated on what I was going to bring, but the process is a reminder to check the application in our lives. That we are living what we are saying.
    
     My sermon was on prayer. Especially praying for others. Paul started all of his letters with a prayer and thanksgiving for the recipient of his letters. He prayed diligently for God's Will in others lives. I believe that is a life changing prayer.
     Since I gave my sermon I have pushed myself to go further with my prayer life. Every morning I ask my son to pray with me for his daddy. He loves it and is starting to add to his own words instead of repeating me. I have strived to promote praying for others on my facebook page. Yesterday I requested that everyone comment their prayer request, and I amazed by the requests I received. Plus, I truly enjoyed spending my free time at work praying hard for these people. It improved my day, and I felt very accomplished. Tomorrow my challenge to myself is to ask a stranger while I'm out if I can pray for them. That is going to take serious strength from God. I am not comfortable approaching unknown people about God. That is my weakness.
     Let's not mistake that this is easy though. Prayer is our main communication to God. The devil and the world do not take kindly to growing closer to God. Tuesday after my sermon I had problems with my bank account- my card was scammed and I had charges that were not mine. After the request for prayer requests yesterday I woke up to find my bank had an error in their system and my account was messed up most of the morning. God is good and faithful though because he has fixed both of these incidents!! The devil wants to pull us down, but we have to stay strong and keep the communication with God open so he can work in our lives.
    
     I am still praying, cleaning, and searching my house for an area that I can turn into my "prayer closet." We have a small home that needs all the storage we can get and cleaning our an entire closet would not fly with my husband very well, lol.

'War Room' review:

 

 

 

     I just got back from seeing War Room at the theater with my best friend.... AMAZING!!!!

I thank God for everyone who took part in this movie and brought it to fruition. It has blessed me so much! I pray everyone watch this and that they take something from it! Having just given my first sermon from our pulpit yesterday (and on praying for others) this is such a Godly timing!

 

     Priscilla Shirer is an amazing Godly woman. I saw her three years ago when I went to the huge Joyce Meyer Women's Conference- she was inspiring and to see her in this movie... They could not have cast a better person! I related so much with her character it truly brought me to tears. This movie has moved me to recommit myself to praying for my husband, son, and our home. That I have to get out of God's way. I am often reminded that I am my own worst enemy, and this movie has truly opened my eyes to my calling as wife and daughter of God. I would highly encourage this for any couple, or even to see it on your own if your relationship is not in a place where you both can experience this. I went with my best friend, and the movie demonstrates that it doesn't "take two" it just takes you and God. You have to start somewhere. Even if you have a good prayer life or had a good prayer life this reminds us to rededicate ourselves and the power of prayer! I want to take every married woman I know to this movie and feel their hearts change. War Room shows us that the battle is not against our spouses, but against the devil.

 

This has to be one of my favorite quotes from the whole movie!

 

Hopefully one day I will be in a position to share my whole experience that relates me, but for now I ask for prayers and as always feel free to contact me privately if you want to talk.

~Kelli

 

 

 

Finding God in Disney!

     I am super excited! I am working on a lock-in/slumber party for the middle-high school girls in our area, and it has got me so inspired! This first slumber party is going to be Aladdin! That was my absolute favorite Disney movie growing up, and I believe that it has a very foundational starting point for young ladies in developing their relationship with Christ. I have spent the past two weeks pouring everything I have into this 15 hours I will have them. At first I was wondering how I would fill that, and now I'm wondering if I need to keep them longer, lol.
     My big thing is that my notebook looks like a war zone. I have so many ideas or information to show them that I'm starting to feel a little crazed. I truly wish I had a part time job so I could devote so much more time to ministry. I feel like I'm letting God down by not having enough time for Him and His work. I have absolute trust though that when it's time for me to change my day job arrangements for ministry God will tell me.
     I have actually been brainstorming the idea that I can take these Disney devotions and compile them into some kind of ministry book, because that's what I was looking for a couple of weeks ago to start this. Most important thing for a writer to remember: If what you want to read doesn't exist then you are meant to write it!
     My medication kicked in and I have been feeling so much better and upbeat! God is good all the time!...

     I want to bless everyone with an amazing weekend! Another class starts tomorrow for me so keep me in your prayers!

Realizing you have grown up...

     There are a lot of things that happen in our life when we realize that "we have officially grown up". Getting to High School, first job, getting married, realizing you have bills, etc. the list goes on.

"This is the day which the Lord hath made;

we will rejoice and be glad in it."

-Psalm 118: 24  (KJV)

 



     About a month ago I had to go get my things that were still boxed up at my grandmothers house. We are almost two years into our "new" house, and still don't have room for everything, lol. When I got to my grandmother's to get my things I saw that the totes were covered in mold. Not how I planned to spend my night, but when I got home with everything I had to start going through everything to clean it before I could bring it in.
     I basically had to carry everything straight to the dumpster. Mold had gotten into the plastic totes, and onto everything. I know some are silly things, but it was my graduation cap and gown, coloring books, my sketch books, my paintings, my fabric and embroidery flosses, and all my 4-H ribbons; just to name some things.
     It's one thing to look back and realize that you have grown up and don't do these things anymore. It felt so much worse throwing it all away in the same breathe. Needless to say, I let myself have a good cry. In six years I went from having all this time to paint, sew, and read to now I am a mom and wife. Seeing my former hobbies in the dumpster made my life before my husband feel like a lifetime ago.
     I called my Pastor because I needed help being pulled out my small depressed funk that night. She reminded me everyday is new. I can go to the store, get a new coloring book, and color with my son. She was right. We all have to change. If we don't change we are not loving or following God. Each day is a new day! I am not who I once was, and that is not a bad thing it made me who I am today and for that I am thankful!

My Story of Depression...

     Two weeks ago I started talking to an amazing young lady. She got me to thinking about my depression and those in the world today suffering from it also. If you have read through my blog you have noticed my issues with my family. I believe it's time I shared my witness about depression. I pray this will be a blessing to those who need it, and at the least it will give you a deep understanding of where I come from. I believe with the passing of Robin Williams last year people (culturally) were shocked to realize the depth of depression and the possibility that it can be anybody.

     I was six when my mother first took me to a therapist. I was an introverted child. I enjoyed coloring and playing Barbie's by myself. Until preschool I only had my sister to play with (she is four years younger). I was not exposed to other kids before school. We moved in with my maternal grandparents right after my sister was born and my mother was a stay-at-home mom so I had her, my grandma, and my sister to play with. My mother started taking me to therapy when I was in kindergarten because I didn't play a lot with other kids. I had a combination of individual therapy, where I was one-on-one with a therapist, and group therapy, where I was put in a large playroom with other children of varying ages.
     At that time I was also started on antidepressants. For the next five years I was kept on medication. I had to learn to control my emotions. I could not cry growing up. Whenever I cried I had to go back to the therapist and my dose would be increased.
     Also, there was a few years were we had a prowler at our house. I remember one night when I was eight my aunt, uncle, and cousin were over for dinner. Late that night when they were getting ready to leave the prowler was out in the backyard. My grandma, mother, and aunt ushered all three of us girls into my bedroom closet. All three of us were scared and none of the adults would tell us what was happening. After a while, we were allowed to get out and play in the living room. As the oldest of the three I was voted on to find out what happened. So I went to my mother to find out and she told me about the prowler being right outside and not to tell the others. Being the eight year that I was I told my sister and cousin about the prowler which scared them. That night after my cousin and her parents left my mother took me outside to have a talk. She was mad that I told the other girls and that she couldn't trust me anymore. I was crushed that night, and it bothered me for a very long time.
     As I got older I learned the best way to deal with my emotions was to go to my room by myself and read. My mother is a very strong willed person. If she was upset with me she would confront me; usually in my bed because that is where I would go to get away from her. When these instances started happening I developed these "crying jags", as she called them. (An 8-9yr old girl who could not express any emotions leaning toward sadness or tears being cornered into a situation by a yelling parent forcing her to have an emotional reaction...)
     I remember one time I was about 9 and I just wanted her to stop getting in my face. I crawled under my bed so I could cry without her yelling at me. That day my dad crawled under my bed with me. He gave me a notebook, and explained to me what journaling was. He told me to write it all out. I remember thinking "how is that going to help, I still can't express it." My dad was and still is a genius most days, lol.
     By the time I was eleven I had been to three different therapists for long enough periods that all the office staff knew me by name. I was also officially of age that my mother let me take my medicine on my own. So naturally, that's when I stopped taking them. (I do NOT condone self-medicating. I was seeing a doctor and he was aware of what I did.) I felt like I existed on auto-pilot though. Things at home didn't mean much, it was like I only had one emotion to convey- blah. When I stopped taking the pills things came back to life for me. She thought they were finally starting to work. I don't remember if my mother ever found out that I wasn't taking them anymore.
     Sometime that year I had my first boyfriend. As all things during the pre-teen years, we broke up a year later. Another moment that stays in you brain: my mother told me I did something wrong which is why he broke up with me. She never told me what I did wrong though. "I had to learn it for myself." That line worked much better for Dorothy...
     I grew up being ashamed of this part of me. I thought it was something I had to hide from everybody so they wouldn't look at me with pity. I had trouble with deep friendships growing up. I wouldn't let any school friends in too deep because I didn't want them to know what happened when I went home. What made it worse was that I tried to talk to a friend about it when I was little, and they thought I was crazy because my mother was the best room-mom at school and was so cool.

     During my Jr. High years a lot continued to change. I tried to disappear. I wore t-shirts a size to large to hide my shape, and I am a tall girl so the only jeans I could wear were wranglers (at the time they did not make them for girls) so I was embarrassed that I wore "mens' jeans". Our Jr. High was a mix of two elementaries, and I didn't play sports in elementary so I didn't know the other kids like most of my prior schoolmates did. At that time my mother got a job with the school system. She was usually too tired to spend time with my sister and I after working at school all day though. I started taking more of a motherly role with my sister, because it felt like my mother wasn't there for us. My grandma took care of us the most (we still lived with them). I don't actually remember it happening, but at that time my grandma was going through chemo for breast cancer. She was making dinner for us and helping my sister and I with our homework. I can remember getting up in the middle of the night to sneak into her sewing room to have talks with her so my mother wouldn't find out. I was made fun of by the older kids on the bus because I would get off at the elementary so I could spend time with my mother. She was the computer lab person so at the end of the day she didn't have anyone in her room.

     In High School I began to wonder if I had split personalities. I was a different person at school. When I was home I was so depressed. I stayed in my room all the time, my parents' marriage problems were becoming more of an elephant in the house, the house we lived in was becoming too small for six grown adults, and I of course was a teenager now. I started to open up at school though. I had friends who were seniors, I was managing the boy's basketball team, and I started to feel important there. Teachers gave me responsibilities, and I started to realize that people knew who I was. I dreaded the thought of going home. Taking care of my sister was something I felt responsible for at one time, and I hate to admit that it was turning into anger toward my parents. It was my parent's job to take care of my sister. Then, I felt guilt that I could feel that way about my sister. I was scared to death about the day I would go to college and not be there for my sister. My sophomore year I had a vehicle accident that totaled my mothers truck and later we found out I had diabetes. I threw myself into school activities and friends to avoid home issues and to fly through high school so I could go to college. I could not wait to get to U of E and become an archaeologist!

     When I went to college I finally hit the crossroads with my diabetes and taking care of myself. It landed me in the hospital a lot within four months. Resulting in my having to take a medical withdrawal to save a future possibility of going back to U of E.
     The last time I was released, I had been in the hospital for going on three weeks, it was the week before Christmas, my family had already cleaned out my dorm room, and my dad had taken everything home. I got to have dinner one last time with my friends before my mom took me home. Who wouldn't be depressed that day? I had just thrown away the career I had been waiting ten years for. That night, riding home in the van with my mom I said something that I didn't give two thoughts about. It didn't mean anything to me because in my head I was just stating a fact. "You know mom, knowing what can happen to me if I don't take care of my diabetes and by not taking care of it I could be considered suicidal."  **Clarification: I am NOT nor was I ever suicidal.
     Two weeks later I found myself sitting in a waiting room to meet another therapist with my mother. By this point I am well experienced with the drill. When G (my therapist at that time) came out my mother jumped up ready to go in also. G explained that she wanted me solo first to establish my mental state, and then she would come back out to get my mother.
     After thirty minutes with G she concluded that I was not suicidal. I was just a depressed  girl stuck between a teenager and not quite an adult who was forced to move back home, and had not accepted that I was a diabetic. When she went to get my mother my mother and explained what was actually going on with me, and my mother declined coming in. On the way home I distinctly remember my mother expressing to me how she believed that I had lied to G about things in our meeting. By the end of meeting G, I agreed to go back on medication to help me get over the "hump" in my life at that time. I, of my own choice, continued to see G for three years, and was on medicine through that time.

     After three years, my ending to see G was a combination of things. I was healthy mentally, she had released me a year and a half sooner, but I loved having someone to talk to. During that three years of seeing her my job had relocated me farther from her office, but closer to my home. What really ended me seeing G was that she was moving her office to the other side of town (closer to her home-farther still from me), and I was meeting off-and-on with my Pastor. My Pastor offered to counsel me, and my doctor agreed that would be good.
     In twenty months I went from single and bored to dating, pregnant, wife, living with my in-laws, and then mom. (None of this do I regret- just some background on the situation.) It was a lot of huge life milestones to happen in a short time. In the middle of that I was baptized and trying really hard to learn and follow God, and after my son was born I fell into postpartum really bad. I was relying on my Pastor really hard, and of course during the postpartum my dose of medication was increased.
     After four-five months of counseling with my Pastor I was in a good place. My medication was lowered quite a lot; I was mainly on it at that point to make sure I beat the postpartum and help balance the other things going on in my family and marriage. Counseling with my Pastor helped me incredibly with my depression. It was a huge realization that yes a therapist helped, yes medication helps, but I was missing my spiritual healing. When I started getting things aligned with God I was able to come off my medicine. Until counseling with my Pastor I never understood what my body and mind was truly needing to heal.

     Going on five years now I have been counseled by my Pastor. I have been off my medicine more than I have been on them. I still continued to check in with my regular physician every six months to help monitor things, but she was confident that I was doing exceptional.  It is about growth, realization, and accepting who and what you are as an individual. When I started seeing G it was a huge realization that sometimes we just need medication to get over the "hump" in our lives. Things happen to us, and we need medication sometimes to help us cope with situations (i.e. death, job loss, trauma, etc.). It's ok, we are human.
     When I started with my Pastor the realization she hit me with was that it may always be there.  My maternal grandmothers' parents were in all reality clinically depressed and bipolar (back then we didn't go to doctors for such things). My maternal grandmother has clinical depression and is bipolar, and so is my mother. As a sibling, I claim my sister is crazy most days, lol. Clinical depression is a chemical imbalance in our bodies, we can't stop it or make it go away. I'm sure you've seen the sad little cloud commercial. I had to realize and accept that I may have to have medication to deal with this for the rest of my life; just like I had to accept my diabetes.
     We still don't talk about such things today! Look at Robin Williams...the worlds' funny man, and he was facing such sadness every day within himself. We look at being happy or moving on as inside job. "Pull yourself up by your bootstraps." To a degree- yes we need to change our heart and CHOOSE to do something about it, but ultimately we can't do it without God! Everybody is different and has different needs. I needed so much more than just medication though.

     Two weeks ago I knew something was wrong. Nothing was making me happy. I could not be my bubbly self no matter how hard I tried. I felt the sin of the world so deeply that I was crushed by it and wanted everyone else to feel it as well. That is an IMPORTANT SYMPTOM! Wanting others to feel your sadness or not being able to "pull yourself out of a funk". Go to God. He got me through it. He showed me what I need to do to deal with it. I may have depression "in my blood" the rest of my life, but that doesn't mean I have to live depressed.
     When I was little I used to hate when my mom permed my hair or talked about coloring it. I believed that God made me this way I am not supposed to change it. When I would fight with her over having to take my medication I used to say, "if God gave me depression then He wants me to live this way." NO! How young and silly I was. God gives us nothing we can't handle. God also provides the tools to healing. I thank God he inspired the creation of medication! I thank God for people like G and my Pastor who are amazing counselors!
     God did not create us to be miserable!!!! I thank God that he has given me the ability to overcome it! If you cannot find happiness in anything then you need to contact a doctor, therapist, or pastor.  We should not be hiding our problems in closets. I pray that you, or if you know someone, accepts God's healing in any of the many ways it has been provided to us. Share your story, and help heal someone!

2 Corinthians 12:9

"But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power

is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more

gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me."

Numbers 6:24-26

"'The Lord bless you and keep you;

the Lord makes his face shine on you and be gracious

to you; the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace."

 

 



Twinkie People

Who doesn't love twinkies?!?

 

 

Especially since they now come banana flavored, covered in chocolate, or even deep-fried at the fair!

Did you know that a single twinkie is 150grams of calories? It takes approximately 45minutes to walk off just one twinkie. Also, I have seen twinkies last up to a year in their wrappers...not saying I'd eat that, but that shows you the kind of preservatives that are in them. Twinkies are just not healthy for us. All the preservatives they use to replace using milk and eggs are also used to make rocket fuel.

 

So these fluffy yellow cakes filled with cream that everybody loves have no actual substance.

Isn't the world full of those type of people?

 



Jeremiah 17: 5-6

"This is what the Lord says:

“Cursed is the one who trusts in man,
    who draws strength from mere flesh
    and whose heart turns away from the Lord.
That person will be like a bush in the wastelands;
    they will not see prosperity when it comes.
They will dwell in the parched places of the desert,
    in a salt land where no one lives."

 

The original Hebrew word for bush is aroer.  In Israel there is an Aroer tree. 

 

They grow in the middle of the desert.

The plant is green, lush, and grows this

large fruit. We would look at it and

call it healthy.

 

Here's the deal though...

When the fruit is opened there is nothing there.

A dried up center with what appears to        

be spider webs inside it. A nasty slime         

runs out of it. The fruit is even said              

to be poisonous.                                            

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jeremiah 17:7-8

“But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord,
    whose confidence is in him.
They will be like a tree planted by the water
    that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes;
    its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought
    and never fails to bear fruit.”

 

 

     In today's world it is easy to get caught up in talking a big game. You can talk the talk, but can you walk the walk? God wants us to be fully reliant on Him. Only God can provide us with substance. Do you feel empty and hollow? Honestly, some days I do, and I know that's my sin not God. We are in a world where pretty words and faces can get us far in life. Just like twinkies though, are we lacking substance??

     Got to keep moving and doing, and sometimes we forget that God calls us to the edge of the stream. We are be planted in the Word of God so that when hard times come we have no worries. Today the world is in a drought. Do you feel like the cheap preservatives the world is trying to feed us are not filling you anymore? People set to "do it" themselves will fail. I don't want to be a twinkie. A person who's worth is non-substantial, who's words hold no real meaning, or even a person who bows down before the better opinion.

 

     A twinkie person I am not, and I ask you to look at your life. Are you hollow inside?

 

 

 



Yellow Brick Road of Life

     Wizard of Oz holds a special place in my heart. When I was little, before my sister was born, this was the movie that I drove my parents crazy watching all the time. When I was 10 I played a munchkin in the high school play, and so did my sister. My mother and grandma were also the costume designers for the play. I can remember laying in bed and listening to them both sew the costumes at night. Also, just a year ago my other grandmother took me to see the play at Beef & Boards.

     When I came back home from my medical withdrawal of college I realized something... I am on a yellow brick road, and my yellow brick road has weeds.

     Everybody has a path to walk in life. Generally people believe that path should be easy. More often than not people outside of Christianity believe that we Christians have it so easy. That struggles or mistakes or even weeds are not part of our lives. We are all human- weeds happen.
     Let's think about this- how do weeds happen? Do we plant their seeds? I don't ever recall purposely planting weeds in my rose garden. I'll be darned though if they didn't pop out of the ground; every year, all summer long. I had to watch my roses everyday.
     That's the truth to Christianity. Just because I am following God does not mean that I will not run into some weeds. The only way to keep the weeds out of my garden are to constantly take care of it, and that's exactly what we are supposed to do in our relationship with Christ- take care of it.

     Think back on the Wizard of Oz movie... Before you accepted Christ was the world a little dull/full of sepia browns/no-color?  How did you feel afterwards? Was everything bright & new?
     Look at Dorothy's journey on the yellow brick road. When she first started following it she "circled" a couple of times before the road took off in a straight direction. Then, she came to a fork in the road. Two possible directions, how do you know which way to go? She found a friend who wanted to go the same way as her.
     Then they came across the apple trees. Something so seemingly innocent that she wanted. As the tree pointed out to Dorothy, though, he was a thing that she made an assumption of and took for granted. Moving further on to the poppy field... haven't we all been there on our faith walk? We get tired, and even though we can see our goal we can't look past the field we're in.

     The key is that no matter what the Wicked Witch threw at Dorothy she kept following her path. She wanted to get home. My ultimate goal is to get Home-Heaven. Weeds and troubles find us and can side track us, but we keep following our yellow brick road.

 

 

Time Flies!

Wow! Where have I been the past month? It feels like I've been far too busy!

     I went to preaching every week from the end of July to just last week! Crazy-amazing!
I felt really good after last Wednesday that I have a break now, but being me it didn't take but a day or two before I felt restless. One bit of wisdom for those dealing with someone born in June... it is easy to become bored and restless- if there are not two or more things going on then I get bored and depressed easily.

      On another awesome note I am getting ready to start a teenage-girl-archery-ministry, lol!
I am super excited about it!! I love my archery, and am super excited that I can teach some girls this wonderful sport. Working on a couple of PVC bows for the girls so they can "decorate" them to suit them. Trying to work on coming up with arrows in as costless as method as possible, lol. Archery got me through middle school, and I can only pray that it will be a blessing to these girls!

     I wish I could quit my day job, lol. I want to do ministry and work in the church so bad, but I have so little time to do it because of my full time job. I would love nothing more than to call my church my real job.
     I have this Saturday and next left of my class. One of my sermons this month was so good that my Pastor asked me to give it to the congregation one Sunday. That excites and scares me so bad. I feel restless and anxious and ready to get busy, but I have realized this week that God is trying to still me. It's so sad that we think we have to accomplish these big tasks for God, and a lot of times it's something so little that He wants us to do. I have had a lot to think about this week. Mostly, the mind-blowing things that I have to sit and contemplate. I am going to the woods tonight. I ask for prayers for God's will and peace in my heart right now. As mentioned above, sitting still is very hard for me, and I feel like a puppy that is trying to get away from being held because the person wants to cuddle.
   
     "Be still..."  Psalm 46:10

Catching up since the Field Trip!

Have been trying to catch up since last week, lol.

Last Wednesday was a blast. We had our Kid's Field Trip for the church!

I started doing these in 2013, and they have been so much fun; we do one each year in the summer.

 

This year we went to an Indy Fever Game (WNBA). They played the Seattle Storm, and won.

It was mostly a girls day, except my 4yr old son went too, lol. I can't leave Bubby out of the field trips! It was a giant kids day there, and we all got balloon animals, autographed poster, hot dog lunches, and even popcorn to watch the game!! 

We were even right on the floor- third row from the team!!

Now to brainstorm for next years field trip... already did the zoo and children's museum.

 

 

 

Last Saturday I started classes again, How to Teach the Bible.

I love classes. I thank God I get to go to school now.

That was one of my big regrets that I could not finish college (health and financial reasons).

We shared about the learning environments of our churches and what classes our church does...

I know that I am from probably the smallest church of all the people in my class and in no way can compare to the things they do, but it makes me pray for more things at our church that I can utilize. VBS was the first big break for me meaning I didn't have to work it to enjoy it. My son got to go like he's supposed to and there were enough other moms in the community who contributed to it's function. It makes me think though, what do Pastors do for learning and growth? Being looked at always as a teacher, do they never get an environment of discussion, stimulation, and learning? That's what I'm craving now. I want to learn and discuss not always be the teacher, but I do understand that we are not to just sit and get "spiritually fat" on knowledge- I do enjoy teaching. Sometimes I really feel the give-give-give of people though. That's what class is doing for me right now; the stimulation and discussion. It really has me watching our church right now to see "what are we doing?".

Last night I preached again! I love doing this, but it is also very heavy for me.
I have such a consciousness that I am presenting the Word of God...
It's not a weight in the essence of a burden, but a weight in the essence that I now have a purpose.
It reminds me of that moment after I had my son, and they gave him to me to hold for the very first time. It's that moment when you feel as if the whole world is holding it's breath. You stare at him and finally realize down to your core that this little person in your hands is what you are supposed to do in the world. I get to the church and stand up there and it's like the whole world is once again holding it's breath waiting for me to realize that what I do next matters to it. I spend all week working on this message that God asks me to tell these people, and I get up there and want to cry because after applying the message to my life all week I realize everybody there is just as hurt and in need of these words as I was. It's humbling and miraculous and overwhelming, lol.



Now here I am... Thursday morning-ish and trying to finish the start of our church's yearly craft fair. I have got such a late start it this year it is shameful. I have mailed out information to all our previous vendors and getting ready to rally the facebook page, lol. Looking for ways to advertise this year!
I have never actually seen any advertising for craft fairs before; even when I was little!
I am trying to figure it out though, and welcome any suggestions.

 

Camping for the 4th!

 

This was my weekend!

I got to take my lil' guy camping.

My dad's side goes camping on the 4th together and it is always fun!

I love camping. My dad instilled camping in my blood at a young age, and I love so much that we all go together and spend time as a big family.

Bubby wanted to stay in his own tent this year, and his grandpa was awesome enough to let him in his tent, lol.

 

It was weird for me sleeping by myself this weekend. I woke up in the middle of the night aware that I was alone in the dark. It was startling. I reached for my phone thinking I'll find someone to text or talk to, and seeing 3:30am flash at me I knew no one would be awake. I instead went to my Bible App. 3:30am in the woods, reading God's word, and praying... I don't think I could have felt alone in those moments if I tried, lol.

No matter who is near us or thinking of us, physically, God never leaves us.

After that I slept like the dead, and got woken up by the best sight ever: my Bubby and breakfast already done, lol.

 



'Christian' Education

Christian education is not about mastery, because you cannot master a person.
Christian education is about change, because it requires you to grow to know someone.

Write a Thank You Letter

     If you look around today's world you can experience that gratitude seems to be an archaic concept.
It is very sad. Generations are growing up to believe that things are a given and their "right" to be demanded. As Christians our biggest job is to show people the love of God, and to plant and water the seeds of God in others.
     The beauty is that sometimes we have no idea if we touched someone at all. Think about growing a flower for a minute. The seed gets planted and all we can do is make sure to water it and protect it from the weather. We have no idea if that seed is going to grow at all. We hope and pray that a beautiful flower springs forth, but we truly have knowledge if it will happen.
     Do you remember who planted the idea of God or going to church in you? Was it a stranger, a grandmother, a Pastor, or even your child? Did you ever thank them?
     With my son going to VBS this week I have thought a lot about a lady named Nina Burnett. This amazing, Godly woman showed me my salvation. For six summers she picked me up and took me to VBS at her church, were she helped in the kitchen, and then she would drop me back off at home.
     I can remember because of her taking me that I wanted to go to church on Sundays so bad. I would be up at the crack of dawn (because an 8yr old doesn't know when church starts) and dress in my prettiest clothes and sit in the living room and wait for everyone to get up so we could go. We never went. Now, as an adult looking back, I bet if I had asked her just once to pick me she would have.
     Even ten years later when I would see her in town she remembered my name. In turn, she always made me think of God. This woman never got to see the fruits her labor in me. She never received a thank you from me for the path she started me down over 20yrs ago.

Write a thank you letter to the person who started you on your path.

You deserve it, and so do they.

 

     I was fortunate that when I was baptized there was a very Godly man in our church who came up to me and offered me anything I needed and that he was proud of me. I was able to send him a card right before he passed away. Finally, I sat down one night this week and wrote a letter to Nina. She will never physically receive this letter, but I know that while I was writing it and praying that somehow she knew. God was with me, and so was she. If she was still here today I would nothing more than for her to take my son to VBS, although she would be 80 this year, lol.

My Bubby's First VBS!

VBS is this week, and I am so happy that my son is going!!

Being a small town, all three of our churches get together and plan/do VBS. It is awesome!

This year an awesome lady from the Methodist church put it together, "May the Faith be With You!"

 

To me this is huge and amazing for two reasons.

     1- I was saved at VBS. My parents were not church-goers; except Easter Sunday. Anyway, there was this older lady who lived in town (we lived on the outskirts), Nina Burnett, and she would always ask if my sister and I wanted to go and then she would pick us up and bring us back home. She was an amazing woman, and I never got to thank her before she went to be with the Lord.
         Her taking me to VBS is what fed my love of the Lord. I don't know what my life would be like without her and what she did for me, but I do know that because of her I firmly believe that VBS is a very fundamental and necessary project for all churches. I can remember being 8 and raising my hand that I believed in Jesus Christ and wanted to be saved.
     2- Taking my son to VBS has been an issue of discord between my husband and I the previous years. There was misunderstanding in our relationship when we married about where we were spiritually. I have been on a journey the past almost five years learning how to keep myself grounded and growing in the Lord while at the same time learning to married in this situation. My husband agreed that Bubby could go to VBS this week- it made me cry. This is something I have wanted so bad for my son. Not to "brainwash" him, but because he can have fun, learn, make friends, and lets be honest it gives Mom a small break.

 

Tuesday night Bubby made a lightsaber that says "Jesus is the light of the world."

He also got a little flashlight that has not left his hands since. Last night he learned about David and Goliath, and I cannot wait to hear what he learns about tonight! Maybe I sound selfish, but with working with the kids at church a lot it has felt really good to be able to utilize an event, and not work one. This is what I want our community to understand and feel. This is why VBS is so important!

 

 



"Sick Of It"

"When everything you do
Don't seem to matter.
You try but it's no use
Your world is getting blacker.

When every time you fail
Has no answer.
Every empty promise made
Is a reminder.

No one can make this better
Take control, it's now or never!"

 

Sick Of It

-Skillet

 

 

     My biggest learning curb is my own family. I am coming to realize that everybody's family is a little messed up, but you always feel your own family's failures more profoundly.

 

     I've shared before that my relationship with my mother is difficult and unique; in turn, so is my relationship with my sister. They live together and feed off each other mentally and spiritually- not for the better. Since high school I have spent my life trying to cope with the way my mother and sister are, learn to live my life without their affects, and heal myself. Since I met my husband he has shown me the courage to find my backbone and myself (sometimes I wonder if he re-thinks that, lol).

     The past five years I have grown a lot. A lot, a lot, a lot! The past six months I have felt the most difference in the situation... I am sick of it! I am done! I am tired of it! I don't want to hear it!

They are adults. I am an adult. Everybody who wants to be in their situation is an adult! I cannot fix my mother or my sister. They can't fix my mother or my sister. Only my mother and sister can fix themselves, and they will not because everyone is catering to them. Why would they want to?

 

     I have listened to my family, gave advice, try to explain to them exactly what is happening, and done what I know possible to support my family without directly involving myself with my mother and sister. They are about to kill me!

     I pray daily for the Lord to show me how to forgive my mother. I pray daily that my mother and sister are opened spiritually and emotionally to God and can see their choices and the damage they have and continue to cause. I want them saved and to know God. I pray that one day I can have all my family together and not feel the bad things that cling to them and poison the situations.

     This week I have come to realize that maybe I expect too much from my family. (Doesn't that sound sad?!) There are two very special people in my family that mean everything to me. They raised me, and there are many emotional hurts for me because of how they behave with my mother and my sister. I feel like my son and I are the loyal hound that has sat at their feet for so many years waiting for my head to be patted, and my mother and sister are the puppy in the window that they visit daily but don't want to commit to.

     I am not trying to garner attention or being over dramatic. I can see this situation from every side, and no side can I see any one have a real relationship with my mother and sister. That is what everyone wants, but I feel like the only smart person in the family that can see this. My mother and sister are mentally not there... combinations of bi-polar and depression and they do not take their medications- even when they decide to buy it. One of them knows exactly what she is doing to play the family, and for the other one it is basically her way of life. She cannot function any other way but to manipulate people to achieve her own gain; it is an unconscious action for her. Shouldn't that tell you something?!

 

     I have a good husband. I have a wonderful four year old son. I have a loving church family that is putting me through school right now so I can become a pastor. I have an amazing Pastor who has done nothing but support me and help me grow through these pains. I have two best friends who basically let me live with them/off them/around them when I came back from college, and to this day are magically there whenever I am in need. My job is a job, there are good days and there are bad days, but in all it is where the Lord has placed me right now and I am working it. I am incredibly happy. I am blessed every moment by God.  And... Today I accept that I am done with supporting anyone or any aspect that is linked to my mother and sister. I am working with God to ease these pains, but it is not healthy for me or my son or my husband that I deal with these people in my family about this situation any more. I will not feel bad/guilty/responsible for walking away from it. As a parent I understand that there will come a day when I will have to look at my son and say "you are an adult, and I am not responsible for your choices anymore." I realize that I have taken responsibility for my family when they deal with my mother and sister.

     I AM DONE. I release myself from hearing about it, talking about, and poisoning myself, my husband, and my son with this stuff.